Volunteer Training Days Booked

Feeling really excited now - I've had confirmation for the two training days for my new voluntary placements at a local hospital! Both have direct patient contact and will be very different from each other, one is working with all patients from all walks of life and the other is specifically with patients with dementia. I am equally excited about both as I think I will learn a lot from them and they will really help me on my re-ignited journey towards medicine. 

I really enjoy volunteering and I am so lucky to have had all sorts of volunteering and work experience to talk about should I ever be lucky enough to get an interview! One of my choices specifies the time line but hopefully the volunteering training confirmation today means that after the training I can get started to meet the quota in recent times. I'm also waiting to hear back from a really exciting work experience/shadowing placement in a specialty I have never experienced before so I'm really hoping I get to do that too! 

I had forgotten how arduous preparing for the UKCAT was, but I keep reminding myself that this is going to have to happen quite a few times potentially, especially seen as my mock scores seem much lower than the last time I took the UKCAT. However, not everyone is lucky enough to have a smooth run to med school and I'm still hoping I will eventually make it!!!  If I lose my path again, please all feel free to poke me and remind me that I really do not want to do anything else. 

More positive steps in the right direction today for sure! 

Didn't quite make it

Firstly my apologies for going awol. After deciding to give medicine another go, things went upside down health wise which prompted me to rethink. But I'm back on track now, still trying to get into medical school. 

I am taking the UKCAT soon, however I am not anticipating a good score, I've been using online practice materials (not official ones yet they're for closer to exam day) and frustratingly my scores seem lower than the last time I attempted it. I still have some time so you never know. However, some may know I have children and they are in the middle of exams etc so it won't be the end of the world if I have to wait until 2017 despite how much I just want to get on with it now! 

I am going to be doing my A level Chemistry as a private student to broaden my options too and I am volunteering at the local hospital. Everything is ticking over slowly, I just don't seem to be getting anywhere! Stuck in eternal limbo between being a graduate and medical student. Still hoping I will make it, not being entirely sure if I am capable anymore, but still praying for my break. 

But yes, I'm still here. Still trying to balance my family and life commitments around trying to realise my ambitions! Hope you're all well! Sorry again for the absence - going to get this blog going again!!! <3 

Trying Again

After feeling so dejected knowing I wouldn't be going to med school in 2014 I didn't think I'd be applying again.  But today after considering my options a million times over over the last few months I realised how unhappy I'd be in any other career....so I've decided to try again for 2015 entry.  I think I'm going to take both the UKCAT and the GAMSAT and really give it a good go! I have to try else I'm going to regret it, I know I will.  I think having moved here and then having to defer my MSc things just haven't quite gone to plan and it sent me off track.  

My health hasn't been 100% but I'm having treatment and physical therapy to help get my strength back to tip top condition so I'm really hoping things will improve over the next 6 months.  Time to get thinking about more voluntary work and perhaps some more work shadowing in the new area! 

Feeling 100% happier and more settled now I know I'm going to give it another go.  Also feeling very lucky to have had so many people on twitter message me with their support and advice - I'm so grateful for every single message!  Thank you all.  

Here we go again.....

Not every dream has a fairytale ending

I was feeling rather optimistic post UKCAT that I would at least get an interview at one of the 5 year courses I applied to.  Sadly I had to focus my choices in London due to family circumstances, which initially I had thought would give me a fighting chance of success, but it turns out not so much. I was rejected from the Uni I thought I had the best chance at (I'm not going to name it I'm afraid) for both the 4 year and the 5 year courses almost immediately.  I have since been rejected from another 4 year course which leaves one 5 year course left, I'm 100% sure that will too be a rejection as ironically that was what I considered my "long shot".  I was disappointed, but not heartbroken.  I think I've realised that medicine wants different things from its students than it did years ago, even only 4 years later the entrance requirements are so ridiculously high now for the UKCAT for certain, if not most, Universities.  I am feeling rather defeated by it all.

I have worked really hard for the last 4 years to get to a point where I have a strong application, I have the first, I have (what I thought was) a pretty good UKCAT score, I have extra curricula awards and achievements, the voluntary work, work experience, yet still it isn't enough.  Those 3 little numbers on the UKCAT mean that someone didn't even read about the rest of it.  I'm a mature student and yes I could apply again, but those 3 little numbers mean that there is a strong possibility I would end up right back here again, having spent another year chasing a dream that deep down I think I know can't happen for me.

I believe I would have had a really enjoyable and successful career and that I would have loved being a doctor so much, but I think perhaps after 2 attempts at the UKCAT which haven't resulted in even an interview or my personal statement even being looked at, that I should call it a day and accept that it isn't meant to be.  I still have my UKCAT books and my GAMSAT books if I change my mind in the new year, but right now…I think that it is the end of my medicine journey.

I'm sorry to those who have been following me for the last few years that my story doesn't have a happier ending.  I'll still update the blog when I've made my final decision in time. Thank you for sharing my experiences with me, I've appreciated everyone's support a great deal. xxx

Graduation

I finally did it, I finally graduated! I'm a mature student so this feels like a particularly large life goal completed, I was however more excited when I had my results than I was on the morning of graduation. I knew it was a big deal but I didn't feel over the top excited about it if that makes any sense at all?! So when I arrived in the blistering sunshine, I was more concerned about passing out than I was about graduating! I was given the robes and then dressed, and it started to feel slightly more important (although I did feel a little bit like an extra from Harry Potter).  

I wasn't nervous about graduating per se, it reminded me of being in school and going up to receive an award in assembly a little bit, aside from the robes of course.  I was however extremely nervous about the fact that we had to walk down steps after we had been on stage....the steps were in the middle of the stage leading back down into the audience.  Let me say that again, steps in the middle of the stage + robes + my very very useless ankle = potential recipe for the most embarrassing moment of my entire life.  Fortunately, it wasn't, it was very pleasant and quite emotional.  I think it was about 10 mins before the end of the ceremony that it hit me that my degree and my time at the University I have grown to love very much over the last 3 years was over. I am leaving very dear friends, I'm moving away from my dad and family again and we're off to start new adventures at a new University.  I have a BSc, but I have a lot more than just that (I know it sounds like a cliche but its true). I have learnt that I'm able to follow something through and not only follow it through but do well at it! I'm still completely and utterly in love with medicine, I still want to be a doctor and hope I will get there eventually too.  I have volunteering experience and work experience which will continue throughout the next 12 months at least and I just feel like I've really made the most of what was in part a difficult 3 years. 

After we graduated we went and had photos done, of course the obligatory throwing the hats up in the air shot, jumping up and down in the robes looking elated etc. Then we went and had a small school reception and reminisced about how wonderful the last 3 years have been.  We're all off to do exciting things and we have plans to meet up at least once a year altogether which I really hope we stick to over the years.  But I did feel sad, which was completely unexpected to be honest.  

We have found a house and contracts etc are all signed so we're definitely off to London in the summer! I'm so very excited about this as I adore London, although I'm slightly dreading packing up our home! We've accumulated a lot of books over the last 4 years in fact we're going to do a car boot sale on the weekend just to try and get rid of some of the stuff we just haven't really used. As much as I'm adoring the weather I do wish it would perhaps just be a little milder whilst I'm moving, I don't particularly relish the thought of unpacking in 30 degree heat! 

Anyway, whatever you're all doing in this wonderful sunshine I hope you're all having a great time (and using suncream!).  To other graduates of all degrees - congratulations! 

Planning

It seems that my life revolves around planning at the moment, booking my UKCAT, planning open days, sorting out my revision schedule for the summer, figuring out my dissertation topic, all requiring lots of planning.  I don't seem to have much time to do anything between volunteering and working towards the summer exams and next year!  I don't mind because I know that it'll (hopefully) be worth it in the end, but it would be nice to have a little bit of "me" time without feeling guilty and thinking that I should be doing something else instead. 

I'm sitting here waiting for my dad to call me so that I can go and pick up something from him, wishing he'd hurry up as I'm wasting time that I should be spending reading for my dissertation so I can send my proposal to my lecturer and have a supervisor assigned to me.  I still can't believe that in September I'll be in my 3rd year, this degree has flown by.  I've really enjoyed it, I wish I hadn't had the health problems I've had with it but I'm pretty proud of myself for being able to continue with it despite them.  

I think today I'm going to meet my dad, finish doing some reading, write a draft proposal, do a spot of note making for my exams and then catch up on some other work. My other half has plans this evening and I'm going too, so I'll probably be shattered by about 9pm, just in time for 24 hours in A and E.  Frustratingly I wake up pretty early most days and I'm shattered pretty early in the evening too, which also makes me feel guilty and feel like I should be working rather than crashed out on the sofa.  

Anyway, my dad has just called and told me he's not meeting me for over an hour so I'm going to get back to my reading.  Hope everyone has at least had the chance to enjoy some of the lovely sunshine we've had, fingers crossed that wasn't our summer.  

Volunteering and Work Experience

Because of my ankle this year has been awful in terms of work experience and volunteering.  I've had to delay everything until I could walk and until I was feeling better, but that means that aside from the work I've been doing since last year, I don't have anything else....yet.  I've got lots lined up for the summer, but still, others on my course have way more than me and I'm really concerned that thanks to my ankle I've messed up any chance I have of going to med school in 2013.  This really worries me as a mature student I don't want to waste anymore time I really want to get on with it. 

I'm hopeful that the work I'll be doing will be sufficient as I'll have plenty of interesting experiences to talk about at interview (if I ever get one!) but its the worry that I think my friends who are all doing fantastic things have more...

I'm hopeful it is quality over quantity, and I'll have 7 months solid worth of work experience when I finish my UCAS application, so that should be ok.  I really hope it will be! 

Anyway, enough stressing, I have a lab report to do! 

Essay finished!

Well, I really enjoyed reading for that essay, however, writing it, not so much.  I probably wrote about 10,000 words in total and then deleted them time and time again.  I became very frustrated with myself and my lack of clarity towards the end and I was very glad to finally hand it in yesterday.  I can now get on with the second part of the very exciting project I was involved in during the summer holidays.  

I am managing to drive short distances, but I can only drive one of our cars, I don't have enough strength to drive the other as it is a 4x4 which is mildly irritating as I do rather enjoy driving that car, but I'm sure I'll be able to in time.  Physio is really annoying, always hurts afterwards and I'm relatively sure my physio forgets that I'm not particularly fit these days, hey ho, it must be doing some good as I only seem to limp when it is cold now or I've been walking for a while.  I'm just so grateful to be back on two legs. 

I'm still sending out volunteering applications as I wasn't able to do any of my placements during the summer, stressing slightly that this will reduce my chances of getting into medical school, but keeping my fingers firmly crossed that it won't.  Lovely sunny day here, but I'm happily inside working (now my essay is over and done with!) no more to hand in until the new year, although I already have lots of reading ready for the next one.  

I'm really looking forward to Christmas already this year, we're going to put the Christmas decorations up later so we'll be feeling all festive.  After my mum died I really started to hate Christmas, but since meeting and marrying my other half, it is all exciting and fun again!  Hope you're not all working too hard, and you're enjoying Christmas shopping.