Thank you for your support

Firstly, my last blog post had the most views any blog post I have ever written has had before! I have no idea why specifically, but the kindness I have been shown on twitter since deciding not to give up on medicine has been unreal. I feel very blessed to have such support from strangers and virtual friends - so thank you all so much. 

My other half is pleased I have decided to keep going with my dream, not least because I will now watch Grey's Anatomy again i'm sure, but because I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I am subsequently so much happier. Even if I don't make it for 2016 entry, I actually have plans in place to keep going until I finally learn how to do well in the UKCAT(!!!). I'm a lot more optimistic about the future and although I know this is going to be a tough year to get back into the medical state of mind in time for the exams, to afford the exams, the a level entrance fees etc whilst still finding time to volunteer, it is totally worth it to feel like me again. 

If I don't get to be a doctor in the end then I want to sit back and know I gave it my all for a prolonged period of time! In the meantime I am trying so hard to work on my maths for the QR section as it was my weakest section last time. Overall a couple of things seem different about the UKCAT this time around, but I am giving it a good go, using various prep materials. 

This blog was mainly to serve as a thank you for your support and to say that I am making progress in not being stuck in the eternal graduate-not a medic limbo I seem to have found myself in. So, thank you! I will try to keep this updated with my ramblings and let you all know how I'm getting on! 

Trying Again

After feeling so dejected knowing I wouldn't be going to med school in 2014 I didn't think I'd be applying again.  But today after considering my options a million times over over the last few months I realised how unhappy I'd be in any other career....so I've decided to try again for 2015 entry.  I think I'm going to take both the UKCAT and the GAMSAT and really give it a good go! I have to try else I'm going to regret it, I know I will.  I think having moved here and then having to defer my MSc things just haven't quite gone to plan and it sent me off track.  

My health hasn't been 100% but I'm having treatment and physical therapy to help get my strength back to tip top condition so I'm really hoping things will improve over the next 6 months.  Time to get thinking about more voluntary work and perhaps some more work shadowing in the new area! 

Feeling 100% happier and more settled now I know I'm going to give it another go.  Also feeling very lucky to have had so many people on twitter message me with their support and advice - I'm so grateful for every single message!  Thank you all.  

Here we go again.....

Not every dream has a fairytale ending

I was feeling rather optimistic post UKCAT that I would at least get an interview at one of the 5 year courses I applied to.  Sadly I had to focus my choices in London due to family circumstances, which initially I had thought would give me a fighting chance of success, but it turns out not so much. I was rejected from the Uni I thought I had the best chance at (I'm not going to name it I'm afraid) for both the 4 year and the 5 year courses almost immediately.  I have since been rejected from another 4 year course which leaves one 5 year course left, I'm 100% sure that will too be a rejection as ironically that was what I considered my "long shot".  I was disappointed, but not heartbroken.  I think I've realised that medicine wants different things from its students than it did years ago, even only 4 years later the entrance requirements are so ridiculously high now for the UKCAT for certain, if not most, Universities.  I am feeling rather defeated by it all.

I have worked really hard for the last 4 years to get to a point where I have a strong application, I have the first, I have (what I thought was) a pretty good UKCAT score, I have extra curricula awards and achievements, the voluntary work, work experience, yet still it isn't enough.  Those 3 little numbers on the UKCAT mean that someone didn't even read about the rest of it.  I'm a mature student and yes I could apply again, but those 3 little numbers mean that there is a strong possibility I would end up right back here again, having spent another year chasing a dream that deep down I think I know can't happen for me.

I believe I would have had a really enjoyable and successful career and that I would have loved being a doctor so much, but I think perhaps after 2 attempts at the UKCAT which haven't resulted in even an interview or my personal statement even being looked at, that I should call it a day and accept that it isn't meant to be.  I still have my UKCAT books and my GAMSAT books if I change my mind in the new year, but right now…I think that it is the end of my medicine journey.

I'm sorry to those who have been following me for the last few years that my story doesn't have a happier ending.  I'll still update the blog when I've made my final decision in time. Thank you for sharing my experiences with me, I've appreciated everyone's support a great deal. xxx

My final year approaches....

Usually after such a long absence I would apologise for being awol.  However, I have to admit that this time it has been a deliberate choice not to blog.  I've been incredibly busy.  As many of you know I had to take my second year exams in the summer as I was poorly during exam period.  I am pleased to report that I passed the year with a high 2:1 so I'm very very excited to be going into my 3rd and final year of my BSc.  I have already started working on my dissertation and I have chosen my supervisor which is great and I'm really looking forward to it.  The modules this year seem really interesting which is always an added bonus, cannot believe however that in just over 8 months time my degree will be over.  

As for my medical school application, I am taking the GAMSAT on the 21st of this month, however due to my exams I have not prepared well for it at all, so depending on how I feel it went on the day will decide whether or not I will be applying to one GAMSAT uni or not.  My UKCAT is booked for the start of October and I'm truly not sure how it will go.  I'm hopeful I'll meet the cutoffs for my preferred unis, if not then I will have to try again next year.  I have found some MSc courses that I really really like the look of, so I shall also be applying for them at the start of next year.  So hopefully next year I will either be starting a postgrad qualification, or graduate entry medicine....time will tell! 

I think I was a little frustrated that things didn't go to plan last year, but to be honest, although it does seem frustrating that I may have to wait yet another year (at least) to go to medical school, my resolve has been strengthened even more!  I KNOW this is what I want to do and my BSc has proved that to me.  Whatever will be will be, and I'm not going to dwell on the outcome of this round of applications too much.  I'm sure if I don't get in this year there will be a few tears, but one thing I've learned about myself is that I'm more than capable of picking myself up and dusting myself off, and making sure my application is even stronger and my UKCAT and GAMSAT marks are even higher.  We'll cross that bridge if we come to it. 

Other than that there is nothing exciting to report, we didn't manage to go on holiday this year, as we're saving in case I have to do a MSc, maybe next year we'll have enough to pop to Europe for a long weekend. We have had some nice day trips though, which is always a bonus!  So yet again, I'm sorry for my absence, I will try to update more regularly, honest! 

Have a nice day everyone. 

More to life

So I've been revising (almost) constantly lately.  We've had a few lovely "date nights" as we call them, we have another tonight, a mid-week one to break up the stress of work/essays/revision etc which will be lovely.  However, I was procrastinating earlier and came across a blog that I once read from start to finish (and sobbed, literally sobbed) the whole way through.  In a nutshell, the blog was written by someone who married a young lady who battled with cancer for 5 years, but sadly lost her fight in 2011.  It is about their life together during their fight and there is another blog attached describing life as a widow.  It breaks my heard as the age gap is the same as the gap between my other half and I.  We always feel so lucky to have met each other when we're still young, but this blog serves as a cruel reminder that youth does not mean longevity.  

It got me thinking about how I would cope if I was to become a medic and I was faced with a young couple in a similar situation to the couple in the blog.  I concluded that I would probably go home and cry, lots and lots.  I can't imagine that I'm the kind of person where death would not affect me over time, I think no matter how long I was lucky enough to practice medicine I would still hurt every time, I would probably just become more experienced in processing the emotions.

This young couple went through so much together, I would be beyond devastated if that happened to me and my other half.  It is not just what they have already shared that is lost, but also the loss of the promise of forever.  (Did I forget to mention that I'm a hopeless romantic).  I think that when we get caught up in the whole revision and work malarky, we forget what is most important in life, the little things that may not change the world, but will always stay with you.  So when I'm sitting here in meltdown mode over my exams, I think I'll try my hardest (and it will be hard) to remember that there really is so much more to life than a perfect grade.  

Little deep for a Wednesday perhaps, but I thought I'd share what I've been thinking.  Now I'm going back to revising about the joys of thrombosis in pregnancy.  Have a lovely day everyone, make the most of it.