Place Confirmed

Just a short blog post as a brief update.  I received an email saying I had been placed on the waiting list for the 1st interview Uni and I obviously immediately withdrew the application.  Which left only the 4th interview without a response thus far, when I realised, if I had an offer from there then someone would be placed on the waiting list...this was completely pointless as I wasn't going to accept the place so with curiosity being the only reason I hadn't withdrawn the application, I promptly withdrew it and firmed my first choice and unconditional offer. Rejecting the conditional offer was actually a very bizarre feeling as at the start of the process it had been my first choice, but following the interviews the one I have accepted had stolen first place. 

I am so happy to finally get to be a medical student, I feel incredibly lucky and glad that I didn't give up on the dream despite the many hiccups and moments of doubting if I should continue with it. I am of course now allowing myself to get excited - looking at various textbooks on amazon and drooling over Littmann Stethoscopes! I have probably spent several hours this week looking at my soon-to-be medical school's website! I just cannot believe it! I keep looking at my UCAS track where it says 'place confirmed' to reassure myself it is real. I'm over the moon! 

Anyway, short and sweet from me - the 5 month application period is finally officially at an end (along with the 6 year wait to get an offer)! Yay! 

Interviews and Offers

This is the blog I never thought I would get to post. 

I commenced the journey to becoming a medical student in 2010 when I started my BSc and after a number of hiccups along the way, I applied this year praying to get one interview, I didn't, I got all 4. This by itself was beyond anything I could have hoped would happen, I felt incredibly lucky and grateful to know that once I got past the UKCAT and someone actually looked at my personal statement they thought I was worth a second glance! 

In the last blog post I had completed 2 of the interviews, so before we get to the offers part I want to briefly talk about the other two. The 3rd interview I was completely dreading, it did not feel as if it went well and I fully expected a rejection, I was very nervous and it didn't feel like I had covered the bases at all, I thought it would be a 'no' for sure.  The 4th and final interview was lovely, a really nice Uni, great people, all in all a positive experience, however I was incredibly nervous. 

The waiting after interviews is horrendous...I found myself checking my emails at every opportunity!  Then, I finally saw the email 'your track has been updated'....I logged in and there it was in black and white, a conditional offer (I needed AS Chemistry) from interview number 3! I felt it would be so unlikely that I would get an offer from them after the interview I checked my track several times just to make sure they hadn't changed it to 'unsuccessful'.  However, I didn't allow myself to get too excited as it was a conditional offer, but to have the confirmation that I wasn't crazy, that after all this time the barrier between me and a place at medical school was the UKCAT was fabulous! 

Then finally, what I was praying for all along, an unconditional offer!  From the 2nd interview; a Uni I fell completely in love with!  I cried and cried with joy, I could finally say the words I am going to be a doctor!!!! So there it is, a lesson in perseverance right here.  6 years after I started the journey I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel and I will be starting 5 years of medical school this year!  

This has been an incredibly hard journey, and the hard work hasn't even started yet! If you're in my position, my advice is don't give up....the happiness at the point where you get an offer is worth every moment of heartache! Thank you to those who believed in me, particularly my twitter friends! I'm going to be a medic! 

Interviews

I'm so sorry I haven't updated sooner but yes, I have (at long last) been interviewed by two medical schools so far!  After the last 5 years of waiting to get to this point just to have the opportunity to have the experience of being interviewed for medical school has been incredible whatever the outcome! Of course I want to get an offer but just to know that when my UKCAT was finally high enough for someone to actually look at my application I have been invited for three interviews so far! 

I am not going to write where I have been/am being interviewed, nor am I going to discuss the interview format or content - so please don't ask. I just wanted to share how exciting this has been! 

The first interview was very nerve wracking, I had no idea what to expect and I don't know if I was able to communicate as clearly as I would have liked due to nerves and the feeling of the last 5 years sitting heavily on my shoulders. I had an afternoon interview and I think that was definitely harder for me as I had all morning to over think and get nervous. 

The second interview was in the morning, which was much better. I was far more relaxed and it was on the whole a longer process however despite this the time flew by. I found myself enjoying it (completely wasn't expecting that to happen). However as before, I missed saying things I wanted to say and I am not sure it was enough for an offer. 

The third interview is this month and I am already nervous about it! I love the medical school but I feel like this is my final shot (I haven't had a rejection from the 4th yet but we will see).  I really love all three of the schools I have been offered interviews for and I would happily accept an offer from any of them! 

So...after 5 years of longing for this I finally managed to reach the interview stage....keep everything crossed it will be enough....it is going to be a long couple of months!!!!!

UKCAT and UCAS

So I took the UKCAT, I predicted a score of 650 band 1 or 2. I was wrong...I got 697.5 and Band 2. I'm really happy with it even though it meant I couldn't apply for GEM courses it did mean I could apply to 5 year courses. I got 710 on the year the UKCAT was inflated. I was in the 9th centile this time so I can't complain! 

The exam was horrible, absolutely awful, in fact the least stressful section was QR (I HATE maths so this should tell you something). I had predicted I would score from highest to lowest:
1. DA
2. VR
3. AR
4. QR

It ended up being:
1. DA
2. QR (I know!!!!!)
3. AR
4. VR

I have no idea what went wrong with the VR I felt it was ambiguous, but I've never had a problem with that before at all so its a bit of a shame as had that been a little higher I would have made the 700 mark for Warwick. I literally managed to finish just in time on each of the sections apart from DA and SJT where I had time to spare. But hey, its done now! 

I submitted my UCAS and right up until I pressed send I still wasn't sure where I was going to apply as I really liked 7 courses! But I finally managed to make my decisions! Like I said all 5 year courses, and I'm not going to reveal where as I would like to stay anon for as long as possible! 

But yes, so now we wait....and I get working on Chem A level and GAMSAT in case I don't get any offers this time around!!! 

Thank you to everyone who has supported me through this! You're all amazing....now for the next 6 months if you could all keep your fingers permanently crossed for me that would be perfect! 

Thank you for your support

Firstly, my last blog post had the most views any blog post I have ever written has had before! I have no idea why specifically, but the kindness I have been shown on twitter since deciding not to give up on medicine has been unreal. I feel very blessed to have such support from strangers and virtual friends - so thank you all so much. 

My other half is pleased I have decided to keep going with my dream, not least because I will now watch Grey's Anatomy again i'm sure, but because I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I am subsequently so much happier. Even if I don't make it for 2016 entry, I actually have plans in place to keep going until I finally learn how to do well in the UKCAT(!!!). I'm a lot more optimistic about the future and although I know this is going to be a tough year to get back into the medical state of mind in time for the exams, to afford the exams, the a level entrance fees etc whilst still finding time to volunteer, it is totally worth it to feel like me again. 

If I don't get to be a doctor in the end then I want to sit back and know I gave it my all for a prolonged period of time! In the meantime I am trying so hard to work on my maths for the QR section as it was my weakest section last time. Overall a couple of things seem different about the UKCAT this time around, but I am giving it a good go, using various prep materials. 

This blog was mainly to serve as a thank you for your support and to say that I am making progress in not being stuck in the eternal graduate-not a medic limbo I seem to have found myself in. So, thank you! I will try to keep this updated with my ramblings and let you all know how I'm getting on! 

Didn't quite make it

Firstly my apologies for going awol. After deciding to give medicine another go, things went upside down health wise which prompted me to rethink. But I'm back on track now, still trying to get into medical school. 

I am taking the UKCAT soon, however I am not anticipating a good score, I've been using online practice materials (not official ones yet they're for closer to exam day) and frustratingly my scores seem lower than the last time I attempted it. I still have some time so you never know. However, some may know I have children and they are in the middle of exams etc so it won't be the end of the world if I have to wait until 2017 despite how much I just want to get on with it now! 

I am going to be doing my A level Chemistry as a private student to broaden my options too and I am volunteering at the local hospital. Everything is ticking over slowly, I just don't seem to be getting anywhere! Stuck in eternal limbo between being a graduate and medical student. Still hoping I will make it, not being entirely sure if I am capable anymore, but still praying for my break. 

But yes, I'm still here. Still trying to balance my family and life commitments around trying to realise my ambitions! Hope you're all well! Sorry again for the absence - going to get this blog going again!!! <3 

Trying Again

After feeling so dejected knowing I wouldn't be going to med school in 2014 I didn't think I'd be applying again.  But today after considering my options a million times over over the last few months I realised how unhappy I'd be in any other career....so I've decided to try again for 2015 entry.  I think I'm going to take both the UKCAT and the GAMSAT and really give it a good go! I have to try else I'm going to regret it, I know I will.  I think having moved here and then having to defer my MSc things just haven't quite gone to plan and it sent me off track.  

My health hasn't been 100% but I'm having treatment and physical therapy to help get my strength back to tip top condition so I'm really hoping things will improve over the next 6 months.  Time to get thinking about more voluntary work and perhaps some more work shadowing in the new area! 

Feeling 100% happier and more settled now I know I'm going to give it another go.  Also feeling very lucky to have had so many people on twitter message me with their support and advice - I'm so grateful for every single message!  Thank you all.  

Here we go again.....

Not every dream has a fairytale ending

I was feeling rather optimistic post UKCAT that I would at least get an interview at one of the 5 year courses I applied to.  Sadly I had to focus my choices in London due to family circumstances, which initially I had thought would give me a fighting chance of success, but it turns out not so much. I was rejected from the Uni I thought I had the best chance at (I'm not going to name it I'm afraid) for both the 4 year and the 5 year courses almost immediately.  I have since been rejected from another 4 year course which leaves one 5 year course left, I'm 100% sure that will too be a rejection as ironically that was what I considered my "long shot".  I was disappointed, but not heartbroken.  I think I've realised that medicine wants different things from its students than it did years ago, even only 4 years later the entrance requirements are so ridiculously high now for the UKCAT for certain, if not most, Universities.  I am feeling rather defeated by it all.

I have worked really hard for the last 4 years to get to a point where I have a strong application, I have the first, I have (what I thought was) a pretty good UKCAT score, I have extra curricula awards and achievements, the voluntary work, work experience, yet still it isn't enough.  Those 3 little numbers on the UKCAT mean that someone didn't even read about the rest of it.  I'm a mature student and yes I could apply again, but those 3 little numbers mean that there is a strong possibility I would end up right back here again, having spent another year chasing a dream that deep down I think I know can't happen for me.

I believe I would have had a really enjoyable and successful career and that I would have loved being a doctor so much, but I think perhaps after 2 attempts at the UKCAT which haven't resulted in even an interview or my personal statement even being looked at, that I should call it a day and accept that it isn't meant to be.  I still have my UKCAT books and my GAMSAT books if I change my mind in the new year, but right now…I think that it is the end of my medicine journey.

I'm sorry to those who have been following me for the last few years that my story doesn't have a happier ending.  I'll still update the blog when I've made my final decision in time. Thank you for sharing my experiences with me, I've appreciated everyone's support a great deal. xxx

End of the doctor's surgery?

I was shopping today, browsing through the newspapers when I saw a headline on the front page of the daily express claiming that face to face appointments with GPs are to be abolished, obviously not entirely, but at least vastly reduced.  I don't know how much truth there is in this claim, but it did made me think about what the implications would be for the future of primary care physicians in the UK if this was to go ahead.   It was implied that they were planning on using skype and other online applications in order to converse with their patients.  I don't buy the daily express, so I had a look online when I came home and the daily mail had also run a similar story, it claims that GPs would be using mobile apps in order to view their patients records.  This is supposedly going to save the NHS billions of pounds.  But what would this mean for medicine, both for patients and for physicians?

My first thought was to consider how I felt as a patient.  I'm quite technologically savvy, I use my smart phone how most people who have them do, I have apps for most things the news, social media, journals etc, but how would I feel if I felt the only option I had was for video calls with my GP?  I don't like skype as a general rule, I find it slow, hard to hear and it cuts off at times.  I have the maximum broadband connection my service provider offers and I have a large computer screen, I'm young(ish) not hearing or sight impaired and yet I'm still not a fan, so how exactly would someone who struggles with technology cope with this proposed change?  When some people go to the dr they struggle to get themselves together until towards the end of the consultation when they finally feel comfortable enough to disclose the full extent of their reason for going there, how are they going to feel when they're sitting on skype talking their doctor, not having the face to face interaction, rushed, unimportant and not valued?  

I have used NHS direct in the past and almost everytime I've called I've been sent to the out of hours doctor.  I imagine that is because the doctor on the end of the phone doesn't know if I'm articulating my symptoms appropriately and wants to check what is wrong with me for him/herself.  What if someone calls their doctor on skype complaining that their child appears to have a headache or fever of some description? A lot of people think that the symptom that they have to look out for particularly in meningitis for example is the rash, but what about all the symptoms that come beforehand that a skype conversation may not uncover, if that was indeed the case then I'd imagine that most would agree in saying that it certainly doesn't sound safe, for patients or physicians.  I'd like to think that skype would be used for people to call when they want repeat prescriptions extended etc, but it seems like a lot of money to go into the practice just for that; we already have the GP calling you back system rather than going in for a physical appointment if you so wish so is this really necessary if it is unsafe due to the possibility of certain medical conditions being missed?  

If you've read this blog then I'm fairly sure by the title alone it is clear I want to be a doctor.  How will this proposed change affect the way physician's view their role and their own careers?  I think it is fair to say that most didn't go into medicine to sit behind a desk staring at a screen all day, they wanted to make a difference to have face to face contact with their patients and give the very best care that they could, is that possible via the virtual world? How would a doctor feel knowing that their patients were not happy with the new system, wouldn't he/she feel devalued by existing as only a face on a computer screen? What about shared decision making, how much of a decision can be shared when the patient isn't in the same room as the GP?  

Although I think it is clear that I'm not a fan of the idea as I can only imagine that in order to save the money stated that physical appointment slots would be cut, there might be a place for it within the existing service.  There are many people who have to use up an entire GP slot in order to get their repeat prescription refilled for example, a follow up appointment for medications, people going to the GP about a cold/flu, for these cases it might be beneficial to free up valuable GP slots.  However what is the difference in reality between skype and a telephone call which already exists?  

The NHS is changing, but for me, as both a patient and hopeful medic, this is a step too far.